Monday, July 18, 2005

Here I am, in Amsterdam.

I am staying in an apartment that i was trusted the key to, by some new but close friends. It is here my journey starts, but how can it already be so late in July? Before I set out for this adventure, I couldn't wait to get started, and the need to travel filled me up.

Not so anymore. Every time I settle into a place, I have to leave. Every person that I meet, I have to say goodbye to. Ultimately, we are all alone, but without a home and the people who love you, you are much lonelier. I am alone. I am lonely.

The Adventure of traveling, covering ground and meeting new people, sometimes seems like a hassle to me now. Traveling with little money takes planning and careful finances, none of which I am keen to adhere to. Mostly I enjoy the hitch-hiking. There's nothing like sitting down next to a person, who have gotten out of their way and their safety, just to help you out. Nothing like it. And I am always grateful, and we always get along, and I always get a feeling of belonging, of home, in that car. And of course, I always have to get out. Sometimes it really hurts to say goodbye to these people.

I am alone, yet I am not. Rachael is a part of me now, and she still is here, even though she's not here. That part of me is yearning, and hurting, and wanting, and longing, for the time we can be together again.

This is life. THIS. The fleeting moment. You know. But life seems empty without my baby.